Marriage? No Thanks
It's funny how so many people are led to believe that marriage is a great thing. While some people may argue that marriage is totally worth it, many of us learn otherwise once we've taken the plunge. Never again a lot of us vow. Don't do it a lot of us warn.
People are selfish by nature. Many only give based on what they receive or can receive. Many partners are self centered and entitled. Some love validation from the opposite sex a little too much. Some think sex in porn is what intimacy looks and feels like. Some lie and compartmentalize a little too easily. Still, some forget the value and effort of authentic conversation and connection.
The power dynamics get exhausting fast: finances, time, sex, kids. Wedding vows are forgotten way too quickly when real life isn't as exciting or sensual anymore because work, bills, health, kids. How effortlessly a partner can share a story, a laugh with a friend or acquaintance while consciously choosing to rebuff the spouse because of stress related to work, bills, health, kids. How easily one can change one's mind about lifelong promises made after the exchanging of the rings. How fast a best friend can turn into a stranger. How often the responsibilities of maintaining a family and raising kids proves mindfulness or lack thereof. Oneitis can blind us and make us believe in one of the biggest shams of all time - marriage.
Trusting one person to care for and understand your physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and sexual needs. That's what marriage stands for. Far too often, one partner comes up short in the mind of the other. Far too often, patience and graciousness are overwhelmed by resentment and agitation. One party doesn't try hard enough anymore. Maybe they both don't. Not enough money. Not enough time. Not enough sex. Not enough sleep. Not enough partnership. Not enough conversation. Not enough connection. Not enough love. Trusting one person to uphold and protect your entire being (and you them) for the duration of your lives. That's a falsity many believe to be true.
Marriage is for those who are of a forgiving nature. Those who believe in and champion integrity, honesty, transparency, patience, empathy, maturity, unity, family, partnership, humility, modesty, hardiness, resolution, and contribution Every. Single. Day. Not a lot of people can live this way: Accept the occasional and seemingly overwhelming disappointments of real life and stay on the same journey because better days are inevitable before the waves turn again and repeat. Believing that the memories and the struggles and the laughter and the moments will be worthwhile. Fighting to stay in love and cultivate love daily.
Congratulations to those of you who live a deeply prosperous marriage. I hope that many people get to experience the level and the richness of the love and commitment you enjoy rather than contemplate the regrets of saying I do should they opt to walk down the aisle.
People are selfish by nature. Many only give based on what they receive or can receive. Many partners are self centered and entitled. Some love validation from the opposite sex a little too much. Some think sex in porn is what intimacy looks and feels like. Some lie and compartmentalize a little too easily. Still, some forget the value and effort of authentic conversation and connection.
The power dynamics get exhausting fast: finances, time, sex, kids. Wedding vows are forgotten way too quickly when real life isn't as exciting or sensual anymore because work, bills, health, kids. How effortlessly a partner can share a story, a laugh with a friend or acquaintance while consciously choosing to rebuff the spouse because of stress related to work, bills, health, kids. How easily one can change one's mind about lifelong promises made after the exchanging of the rings. How fast a best friend can turn into a stranger. How often the responsibilities of maintaining a family and raising kids proves mindfulness or lack thereof. Oneitis can blind us and make us believe in one of the biggest shams of all time - marriage.
Trusting one person to care for and understand your physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and sexual needs. That's what marriage stands for. Far too often, one partner comes up short in the mind of the other. Far too often, patience and graciousness are overwhelmed by resentment and agitation. One party doesn't try hard enough anymore. Maybe they both don't. Not enough money. Not enough time. Not enough sex. Not enough sleep. Not enough partnership. Not enough conversation. Not enough connection. Not enough love. Trusting one person to uphold and protect your entire being (and you them) for the duration of your lives. That's a falsity many believe to be true.
Marriage is for those who are of a forgiving nature. Those who believe in and champion integrity, honesty, transparency, patience, empathy, maturity, unity, family, partnership, humility, modesty, hardiness, resolution, and contribution Every. Single. Day. Not a lot of people can live this way: Accept the occasional and seemingly overwhelming disappointments of real life and stay on the same journey because better days are inevitable before the waves turn again and repeat. Believing that the memories and the struggles and the laughter and the moments will be worthwhile. Fighting to stay in love and cultivate love daily.
Congratulations to those of you who live a deeply prosperous marriage. I hope that many people get to experience the level and the richness of the love and commitment you enjoy rather than contemplate the regrets of saying I do should they opt to walk down the aisle.
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